This One Might Hurt a Little…But Feelings Don't Pay the Bills

Andrea (00:04):
Well, hi there. I am Andrea Watkins, and if you're listening to this, while juggling three patient calls, checking in a couple patients, taking a payment, selling skincare, and trying to catch your doctor in between procedures, you might be working in an aesthetic practice.

Blake (00:18):
And I'm Blake Lucas, and this is Practiceland. This is not Your doctor's podcast. Welcome back to Practiceland. Thank you so much for tuning in. Appreciate everyone out there that's listening, and please remember to share practice land with your friends and coworkers. Really excited of course to have one of our favorite guests back today, Heather Hughes Hardy is a former COO registered nurse who partners with practices to take big ideas and make them work in real life and ultimately drive profitability that lasts. Heather, so happy to have you here. Hello.

Heather (00:53):
Hello. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Blake (00:56):
Today we're talking about the emotional impact of patients or team criticism and how to prevent that from spiraling into your own insecurity, resentment or burnouts. Heather, what are some strategies you have for handling this?

Heather (01:11):
Yeah, I think this is such an important topic and honestly, something that I wish more people would talk about earlier on in my career. I personally am a little bit more of a sensitive person, and I got some feedback pretty early on when I came into the aesthetics field about myself that I took really personally, I asked a surgeon that I was working with, he was training at a company here in Austin, and then he was going to be moving out to Houston to really establish his practice, and so at that time that we were making the transition, I asked him to give me some feedback about how I had done this as nurse as I was going to be moving into a different role as a different company, and he gave me something really, really valuable. I feel like so often people don't necessarily give you candid feedback, but what he told me was, I can tell that you really care, but oftentimes when I tell you what I need to change or what I'd like differently, it's almost hard for me give you feedback because you seem to take it too personally. And of course, what did I do? I took that really personally.

Blake (02:17):
Oh, the irony. Oh, no.

Heather (02:19):
Yeah, but after I had some time to kind of sit and think with it, think about it, I realized that there really were some big changes that I needed to make because I am someone that cares very deeply about how I perform and how my performance affects others and what my work ethic looks like, and so I did a lot of work in taking on what I like to call radical accountability, and that's in any situation, I always want to do just a little bit better than I did last time. Every single day I want to be a little bit better, and so if there's an area that someone's bringing to me that they want change, instead of thinking about what did I do wrong? I want to sit down and think about what could I possibly do better? Even if I did nothing wrong, how could I have done this better? And that has changed my career so much.

Blake (03:11):
Wow. I absolutely love that. I think for me, what kind I strikes true in that story too is just the moment of self-awareness where there's a spark that gets lit from a mentor or someone that you obviously look up to and they give you that piece of feedback. As difficult as that is probably in the moment to hear, it might be a bit crushing at times, but hopefully they deliver it in a way that is a little bit easier. But I think it's that moment of self-awareness that all of a sudden sparks the growth. Now all of a sudden it's like, okay, I want to be better every single day. How do I do that? How do people perceive me or am I seen as someone that's really hardworking and resourceful and all those different types of things? And then immediately now, okay, I start creating a game plan of how I can get better at those areas where I'm not so great. If you don't mind, tell me maybe a little bit about what was going through your mind right after that interaction when they gave you that tough feedback?

Heather (04:08):
I almost don't want to admit it, but the immediate thought that I had was like, what? You don't want me to care? You don't want me to care so much? Is that what you're trying to say? And that was the absolute wrong reaction. But in having had that happen to myself and knowing that that is how I reacted, I've actually had two, at least two, and I'm sure several more, but two that really are strong memories within my mind of colleagues that I've worked with. Actually, they've been my direct reports, and I've had the opportunity to give them very similar feedback because they were such hardworking, great employees that had very emotional reactions anytime that they got feedback. And so being able to have been that person myself, I was able to coach them through that, and both of those employees were able to level up and continue promoting within their own careers. And so that has been so invaluable to me because it feels like that hard feedback has not only helped me, but so many other people. Then I have been able to turn it back to, because they're people that care. They're people that really want to do well, but they have to learn how to receive feedback.

Blake (05:22):
What an impact that that's had. That butterfly effect is it just spreads and it keeps going. That's amazing. Kind of switching gears a little bit, I guess, how do you separate what's worth taking accountability for from what's, just someone maybe projecting their own frustrations on you?

Heather (05:35):
Yeah, it's taking a turn, but it still definitely kind of folds back in. So when a problem is presented to you, whether it's something that's like, Heather, you missed X, Y, Z on the checklist, or Heather, this patient's upset about whatever it is, whether it's something that I did personally or a situation that went, instead of looking at again what I did wrong or what was going wrong was how could the situation have been handled better? And keeping that at the forefront of your mind, okay, here's the checklist. Here's the steps that need to go into it. Why did X, y, Z get missed? Or here's the checklist. Every single step was checked off, but the result didn't end up the way that it was supposed to. How could I have done this better? How could I have anticipated whatever it is in the situation? And also being okay with, well, I did do everything to the best of my ability, and I'm going to sit with that and be okay with it because it's what you do have to recognize when you have done your best.

Blake (06:37):
I think that leads right into, and it's probably one of the more top of mind questions for myself, is how do you keep that interaction from affecting the rest of your day or your interaction with the rest of your team and your job and the quality of work that you're providing?

Heather (06:54):
Yeah. I think there's two avenues to go about with it, and that is if you're someone that needs to vent, let yourself do that for a timed period. If you need two minutes to go to the bathroom and stomp your foot and be upset about it, let yourself do that. Or you have a good friend that you work with that is a professional friend that will also let you vent and then let it go. You can definitely do that. Or there are times too when you need to just pocket it and go about your day, and so that one can be a little bit harder to do. So I think especially when we're working in aesthetics, almost always, it's not a life-threatening situation, especially when you're working on my side of the floor, which is the more administrative side. Let yourself take two minutes, take a deep breath, and then get back to what you need to be doing.

Blake (07:42):
Right. So what do you say to your team when they're feeling personally attacked or shaken after a situation like this? What's the advice that you give to those that are working for you?

Heather (07:56):
Yeah. Something that I've kind of learned to do is so often people will feel personally attacked and they will start saying things like, well, I didn't do X, Y, Z, or, well, I did X, Y, Z, and they go into that verbiage and you just call it out directly. It sounds like you're feeling like this is really personal to you. Is that true? Is that how you're feeling? And then get them to start verbalizing it and then get really granular with them to see, I'm not saying that you did anything wrong whatsoever, but are there any areas here where you see that you could have potentially have handled it differently, or you could have anticipated X, Y, Z? Kind of guide them through that process that you've learned to do on your own to help them through it, but in a way that doesn't seem super attacking is like, well, you should have done X, Y, Z, but guide them through it. Let them verbalize what opportunity could have happened.

Blake (08:51):
I think this is great advice, even just for myself. I'm excited to actually put this into practice thinking about that too, and something I always want to provide to our listeners is something real, something they can action on and put forth maybe in their next conversation with a colleague or even their next consultation with the patient. So give us that. What is the one thing that you would want us to take away from our conversation today?

Heather (09:17):
Yeah. I would say really challenge yourself to start shifting your mindset and take an opportunity every single day, whether it's at the beginning of your day, reviewing the day prior or at the end of the day, and think about what you could have done potentially throughout the day to have had a better day or a more successful day. Start seeing that and creating it as a part of your process so that when situations do arise, you've already trained yourself for how you want to be thinking about it. That's what I did, and it was super, super helpful for me. It's almost like a gratitude practice. The more good you see, the more good will come. The more opportunity that you see for yourself to improve, the more that you will improve.

Blake (09:58):
Wow. Yeah, absolutely. It's a great idea at the end of the day too, just to be so deliberate with some time just to set that aside, to do something like that and how quickly you can start to see the results from a quick meditation like that or just a focus on what's happened throughout the day and where we maybe let someone down or maybe we did an amazing job and kind of feel our own gratitude or like, Hey, I feel confident that we did a great job. Thank you, Heather, for all of that. This has been fantastic. I really hope our listeners are taking this to heart and putting these things into action. Remind us too, where can we follow you and learn more about what you got going on?

Heather (10:37):
Yeah. I'm on Instagram @HeatherHughesHardy, same name on LinkedIn, and then I also have a patient care coordinator program on thecoreitmethod.com.

Blake (10:46):
Fantastic. And of course, listeners, if you've got a question for Heather that you'd like for her to answer on the show, please send us a message at practicelandpodcast.com. Thank you all again for joining us in Practiceland. We can't wait to see you again next time. Have a great one. Got a wild customer service story or a sticky patient situation? Send us a message or voicemail. If your tale makes it into our "She did what?" segment, we'll send a thank you gift you'll actually love. Promise no cheap swag here.

Andrea (11:14):
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